[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
“Wanna Be A Baller” by Lil’ Troy
- Me: So remember how I knitted that dress for Maggie?
- Boyfriend: I don't know how much of this lettuce I should cut off for salad.
- Me: . . . :(
- me: i'm having a smoked brisket, mozz, and bbq grilled pizza with 2 shiners
- the 2 shiners were his idea
- boyfriend: whos idea, the room service dude?
- me: yeah
- boyfriend: did you order one and he said 2 or just bring it up out of the blue?
- me: someone's gonna come up and punch me in the face
- i asked what they had and he asked what i wanted and i said shiner and he said two? and i said okay
- boyfriend: i get it - shiner
- see you're funny
- me: I KNOW
“ I like that painting. It wins art.
— says my boyfriend.
I'm A Weirdo Vol. 7
I change the words to Beatles songs to make them about my cat.
Grace in Small Things Vol. 113
- I don’t know, the automatic postage machine at the Post Office.
- I went missing for a week and the only one who noticed was my married co-worker with the obsessive crush on me.
- I like pork chops.
- We had leftover gravy from the brisket to cover up how shitty my mashed potatoes turned out.
- The Ra Ra Riot show tomorrow night, assuming I don’t get hit by a bus beforehand.
“ Can you tell I’m ignoring you?
— If Winston Could Speak Vol. 7
Why People Hate Me Vol. 2
I impose myself on them.
Grace in Small Things Vol. 112
- Dave.
- Karin.
- Luke.
- Mitch.
- Susan.
